Behold......Mystic Review Pizza!

Look into my eyes

Ello Cahnts. Allow me to introduce meself. I’m Mystic Review Pizza and I can see into the farkin future. Straight up. The two cahnts that do this site asked me to come on board and review films that haven’t even fackin come aht yet. Frankly, I have better fackin things to do wiv my time but I could do with some publicity. Know wot I mean? If you aven’t noticed, I’m from good old Lahndon tahn. East end. Right fackin cockney me mush but I am blessed with this talent see. Every nah and then, I’ll give you the lowdahn on movies that aven’t even been fackin made yet coz I can see into the farkin future. Straight up.

That posh prick, DasGordon or some bollocks, had a go at lookin into the future to review TRANSEXUALS but he’s a talentless facker. Stick to ya comics ya nerdy cahnt.

That fat geeky cahnt, Crabstick or whatever the fack he's called, told me that this site needs someone like me to come along and make it sweet like. Cahnt! I’ll try my best but they aint paying me fack all so sumfin is better than nufink. Know wot I mean?

Anyway, I ain’t staying ere all facking day. I’ve got a fackin Danny Dyer film to review. In the future. It’s called Cockney World and it ain’t even been facking written yet but I bet its gonna be sweet as. Fackin loves Dyer. Cushdy geezer. Straight up.

So, until next time, keep aht of trouble and don’t be a cahnt. Kazzam!

Caaaaaaaahhhhhnts!