A Message From John Hannah

Hi there,

With the recent announcement that my good friend Stephen Sommers will be directing the upcoming GI JOE film, I thought it was time I had a chat with you, my loyal fans. You see, Stephen doesn't get much work nowadays after those nasty, nasty reviewers ripped into VAN HELSING. I mean, calling it "the cuntiest piece of CGI toss ever released" was a bit harsh and I was especially cut to the quick by "I'd rather lick out Liza Minelli's fungus-riddled clunge than sit through another minute of this". Both of those were taken from Paul Ross' review on daytime TV show THIS MORNING as well.

But with this announcement, I thought it was time to reach out to you, my fans. Both of you. You see, with my good friend Stephen Sommers getting some work, that means that there may be a role in this film for your good friend, John Hannah. And if I were to get a role in this film, I PROMISE that I would repay every single tenner I have ever borrowed and will, in fact, buy you any drink of your choosing up to £2.70 in price depending on inflation.



You know it makes sense!

Cheers,

John Hannah

PS - Any chance of borrowing a fiver?

Honestly, the cheek of the cunt... But I promised him I'd put up YET ANOTHER demand from the tight bastard. I mean, I doubt he'll be even making back twenty quid from a fucking GI JOE movie, but that's just me.