Things That Make My Dick Hard: PART ONE

I am at a total loss today. I awoke with a hangover normally only reserved for George Best and also the need to take a dump so large that I was sure it would level the apartment block once flushed. I took three uranium-grade painkillers and pondered what I might post today. I couldn’t think of a fucking thing to whinge about which is extremely rare for me. But then......EUREKA! Just what, exactly, makes my dick hard I thought. Fan-fucking-tastic. Obviously, I can only include things movie related and after thinking for a good 20 seconds I came up with some surprisingly disturbing things that make my dick hard. In fact, the upcoming list disturbed me so much that it made my dick hard. Feast your eyes on this fucking lot you lucky cunts.

• HOME CINEMA EQUIPMENT
  
• TEASER TRAILERS
  
• LINDSAY LOHAN'S CLUNGE
  
• THX SOUND PROCESSING
  
• CHRISTOPHER NOLAN
  
• OPTIMUS PRIME'S NUTS
  
• THE THOUGHT OF GEORGE LUCAS SHITTING HIMSELF IN PUBLIC. PREFERABLY AT THE OSCARS.
  
• BATMAN’S INVITING CAVE
  
• BIG FUCK OFF PLASMA SCREENS
  
• DVD BOXSETS
  
• MERYL STREEP'S AGED CLUNGE
  
• THE POSSIBILITY OF NICK LOVE'S 'MORPH'
  
• STEVEN SPIELBERGS BEARD
  
• CLINT MANSELL'S ORGAN
  
• BIG FUCK OFF HOTDOGS
  
• WATCHMEN
  
• CHRISTIAN BALE'S MOUTH
  
• HALLE BERRY'S BANGERS
  
• ZOMBIES
  
• DAVID CRONENBERG'S SHIT-PIPE
  
• LORD OF THE RINGS MERCHANDISE
  
• IMAX
  
• ORLANDO BLOOM'S HEADSTONE
  
• TYLER DURDEN
  
• THE THOUGHT OF JENNIFER LOPEZ CONTRACTING CANCER OF THE VOCAL CHORDS
  
• JENNIFER LOPEZ’ S CLUNGE
  
• THE F-14A TOMCAT AS USED IN TOP GUN
  
• THE THOUGHT OF QUENTIN TARANTINO CONTRACTING AIDS
  
• HIGH DEFINITION VIDEO
  
• THE POSSIBLITY OF CARRIE-ANNE MOSS STARRING IN A PORNO WITH RON JEREMY
  
• DAVID FINCHER'S BATHMAT
  
• LILO AND STITCH
  
• AIRWOLF THE MOVIE
  
• PRINCESS LEIA’S CLUNGE
  
• CRANK AND THE POSSIBILTY OF CRANK 2,3,4,5 AND LIVE FREE OR CRANK HARD