Why We Are Angry: The List (Part One)

Some of you out there might be wondering why myself and Crabman are so angry all the time. Years of childhood abuse? Mental health problems? A disappointment in modern day life? NO! We're angry because the world is full of cunts. And in what is sure to be a regularly updated post, I would like to offer you a short list of all the reasons why I am angry. So, deep breath...

People who wear hats, people who wear sunglasses at night, people who wear scarves indoors, people who wear sunglasses, scarves and hats indoors, people who walk slowly, people who stop inadvertently, people who ask you to do surveys in the street, people who try and sell you Big Issue in the street, people in the street who aren't you or your friends, your friends, your friends' friends, friends of the family, your family, your friends' family's, people who buy non-essential items of clothing, students, students who have money, students who wear pajamas outside, students who pay for drinks on credit cards, students in large groups who INDIVIDUALLY pay for their drinks on credit cards, students who drink soft drinks in pubs, students who ask for discounts, students who don't pay council tax (All of them), people who talk on buses, people who talk to you on buses, people who play music on buses, charvas, charvas who play music on buses, charvas who want to borrow 57p to get home, charvas who want to borrow 57p to get home, but really need it to score crack, crack-heads, stoners, pill-poppers, drunks who have the indignity to not be quietly drunk, women, women who talk to you, women who talk to other women, woman who talk to you about other women, women who talk to you about anything other than Optimus Prime or Green Lantern, women who have crap taste in music, women who have no taste in music, women who don't put out, women who expect you to buy them drinks then don't put out, women who expect you to buy them drinks, women who can't operate technology (All of them), women who text you all the time about nothing whatsoever, women who aren't buried under my patio (Most of them), children, children with no mother looking after them, children with a mother looking after them, but it makes no difference, children who talk, children who eat, children who breathe, children who long for a good sound thrashing but it never materialises, old people who walk slowly, old people who walk at a moderate pace, old people who get in your way in the post office, old people who smell of piss, old people who give me the cold every time I sit in a doctor's waiting room, old people who haven't died yet and should have, students, students with expensive cars, students who are dirty, students who tell you they are 19, but are actually a lot younger when you wake up without beer goggles on, students who have nothing to talk about except being a student, anybody at "uni", fit women, fit women who won't talk to you, fit women who wear low-cut tops and then give you funny looks when you stare at their tits, people who get drunk but aren't you or your mates, cunts, twats, shit-heads, cock-knockers, fuck-sticks, twat-handles, beggars, gypsies, gypsies who try to sell you clothes pegs, gypsies who hang out at fairgrounds trying to rob you, gypsies who have small horses that they feed coke cans, people who like hardcore rave, people who like r&b, people who like Tangerine Dream (Ha ha), people who like prog rock from the 70s, people who don't have the same taste in music as me, people who like The Feeling, people who enjoy watching Big Brother, anybody that has ever voluntarily watched Heartbeat, people who like Legally Blonde, people who like Monster-in-Law, people who like Bridget Jones 1 and 2, people who like Bridget Jones 1 and 2 and have read the books, children who read Harry Potter, adults who read Harry Potter, Harry Potter, people who don't rate Crank in their top ten action films of all time, people who don't rate Crank, people who use public transport that aren't me, people who get in my way at the bar, people who look down on me as I have a fag outside the pub, people who make me smoke outside pubs, any cunt who has ever gone out drinking in fancy dress, people on hen dos or stag nights that have specially printed t-shirts, students who go out dressed in togas, students, girls that make me go to the cinema to watch Pride & Prejudice, anybody that likes Pride & Prejudice, people who don't think this site is funny, people who say we swear too much, people who talk to you in pubs who you don't know and don't have breasts, people who talk to you in pubs, people who listen in to your conversations, women who give me death stares for No Apparent Reason, people who think they are better than you even though you're fucking awesome, people who have MySpace pages, people who have Bebo pages, people who have Facebook pages, people who use online dating, people who marry women they met through online dating, people who wear scarves and sunglasses indoors whilst online dating and finally, everybody else who isn't me or Crabman.

That's only the start, I've missed quite a few off there for a later update and I'm sure Crabman has about a billion more to add to that list. Our hatred knows no bounds and now I hope you can see why we get so angry all the time. Well, that and the fact we both are borderline bi-polar and need to get out more/less.