Mr Miyagi Tells Tale From Beyond Grave

Bonsai! Hey friend, it’s me, Mr Miyagi. Remember me? Sure you do. Let’s talk why not. As you probably know, I’m dead, but I speak good English from beyond grave to tell you tale. You see friend, when I make THE KARATE KID back in crazy 80’s, I leave out maaaaaany important lessons on how to become one with karate. My young apprentice, Daniel san, not only wash car and paint fence, he did maaaaannny other things in order to become ultimate fighter, things that we could not show in family film but I return from grave to tell tale. Wax on!

"This is Daniel san standing on street selling Big Issue. He piss and whinge when I tell him to stand in centre of Glasgow for 14 hours selling mag. He say what the fuck got to do with becoming great warrior. I say it verrrrrry dangerous in Scotland but make him strong like ox and he believe me. Ha ha ha! Wax off!"



"This is Daniel san collecting shit from elephant bum at local zoo. He there all week collecting shit in bag. He moan a lot and say that I take piss out of him but I say NO, DANIEL SAN! Collect shit from elephant bum to find inner peace and become harder than Bruce Lee. Zoo pay him fuck all for collecting shit all day. Daniel san starting to mistrust Mr Miyagi that week"



"This is Daniel san at BT call center. He not love this long time. He say everyone shithead and hours verrrrrrry long. Also, boss is complete wanker. I say to Daniel san that ten weeks there and he will be wise enough to defeat Cobra Kai Sensei. He not believe me and say that I am ripping piss out of him and that he doesn't see any wages from call center. I say that money make you weak and black of heart. He believe me and I spend money on more bonsai. Ha ha ha! Brush up!



"This is Daniel san working at colonic irrigation clinic. You can see he not at all happy in this photo as he had just worked a 13 hour shift blowing shit out of peoples bums with hose. He say after shift why all the shit jobs. Literally. He say he can't cope anymore and that he having suicidal thoughts. Life not worth living. He whiny cunt. I tell him that by cleansing people's bums he will cleanse his soul and have the courage to conquer any foe that cross his path. He believe me and I laugh hard. Ha ha ha. He get paid well for bum cleaning but I give him fuck all. In fact, Miyagi get him to suck shit out of own bum as well. Black bean bubbly style. Brush down!"



For Daniel san's last week of training I have him sell his little white arse on streets of Amsterdam for $5 a pop. He had enough by now and tell me to go fuck my mum. I say, DANIEL SAN! FOCUS! Learn many things from red light district you will. He keep argueing and telling me to fuck my mum. I insist by telling him that one week sucking off drug addicts and getting bum love off other men will make him able to catch flies with chopsticks. Lucky cunt did as well. Anyway, Miyagi needs to go back to the spirit world now but I hope you love this tale long time. I'm still laughing hard myself friend. Stupid skinny white boy. Ha ha ha ha!

BONSAI!