My Top Five Comedy Films

1. PHILADELPHIA
   
   Very funny film. In this film, Jack Black plays a man who gets the bad AIDS. Denzel Washington really steps outside of his zone of comfort and plays his over-the-top effeminate life partner. And they live in Philadelphia. The bit where Jack Black accidentally spits in his mum's tea and then has to get it back before she catches the AIDS from it is a work of comedy genius. I'm not sure there was really a strong message about the dangers of unprotected sex or dirty needles, because I was laughing so hard throughout. And I, being someone who would put my cock in the crack of dawn given half a chance, should really have been paying more attention to the inner message. That debiliatating fatal illness can be funny too. Come on, cheer up, you miserable cunts!
   
   
   
2. SCHINDLER'S LIST
   Apparently Oscar Schindler has a list. And let me tell you, that list is FUNNY AS FUCK. I mean, have you heard some of those crazy jewish names? I personally thought a film that featured a man reading a list of names for two hours and then there was half an hour of gassings wouldn't be funny, but I was VERY wrong. The shower sequence was not only funny, but had the most amount of killings I've ever seen on screen. More than RAMBO? More than TERMINATOR? More than BEACHES? It is CHOCK-FULL of killings. The script was a bit far-fetched though. I mean, what, some mentalist decides to gas a load of people because they like skull caps? As if!
   
   
   
3. RAY
   I thought the he-can't-see-very-well comedy vein topped out with the hilarious Lesley Nielsen starrer MR MAGOO, but I was very wrong! This Jamie Foxxxxxx starring blind-as-a-fucking-bat humour-fest was hilarious from start to finish. Not only was it funny because he couldn't see a fucking thing, but he's black as well. You see, because Black People Are Inherently Imbued With Comedy. The Benny Hill-esque sex caper that ensues had me in stitches. I particularly loved the montage of "I'm so sorry, darling, I'm blind and didn't mean to put it up your shitter". How many times did that poor man accidentally kick in some woman's back-door? Oh, the humour. Not so sure about the bit with the kid drowning in a bucket. Not very funny, that.
   
   
   
4. RAIN MAN
   
   Oh my god, soooooo funny. That crazy loon talked more shit than Jim Carrey in ACE VENTURA, ACE VENTURA:WHEN NATURE CALLS, DUMB & DUMBER and I'M A MASSIVE CUNT. This guy looks like it almost comes naturally, but I know he just must be a mintos actor. I was a bit confused as to how Chris Tucker could be Tom Cruise's brother, but I just went with the comedy of it. I also love all the catchphrases they created and repeat them all the time. Sometimes people look at me a bit funny, but I tell them to watch this film and they'll understand. They never get back to me so I can assume they died laughing.
   
   
   
5. SCARY MOVIE 4
   Actually, this wasn't that funny. It was just a bit cunty. Sorry.