Films That Could Be Improved By Invading Cuba #1: My Left Foot

There is no greater ending to any film than the end of Bad Boys II. What, what, what? You're going to suggest something else? Like 2001? Or Planet Of The Apes? Or Nutty Professor II: Meet The Klumps (In which one of the characters gets anally raped by a giant hamster For Fuck's Sake)? No, those are all wrong. WRONG. Bad Boys II ends with Will Smith and Martin Lawrence invading Cuba. As if we hadn't seen enough OTT-osity so far, they mount an armed invasion of the nation of Cuba to rescue a woman. She is hot, but I doubt I'd invade Cuba for her. Jersey, maybe... Possibly the Isle of Man, but not Cuba. There are many many films out there that could only be improved by taking this approach to cinema.



After overcoming being labelled a spastic for the first ten years of his life, Christy Brown has overcome his working class Irish environment and learned to express himself through writing and poetry. Made all the more impressive by the fact he can only move his left foot. Christy's works are an inspiration to all, not least of which his mother. But could he hold a semi-automatic MP5 with that left foot? Could he drive stick on a Hummer as it went down a mountain through a small village with that left foot? You'll never know, because this film did not end with anybody invading Cuba. If anybody could make you believe a quadriplegic could invade a small island off the American coast, it would be Daniel Day Lewis. After gunning down swarthy bereted chaps with his foot-mounted fire-arm, Christy would casually scrawl a witty bon mot on a handily placed notepad. With his foot. And when you're driving AN ARMOURED CAR THROUGH A VILLAGE, you only really need one foot. And it's not going to be on the brakes.