The Four Horsemen Approach
A few posts back I pondered if the onset of Armageddon was upon us due to fact that a third Rush Hour film is being released later this Summer. Well, It’s not impending at all. Armageddon is well and truly here. The four horsemen of the Apocalypse are stampeding towards a cinema near you. Why you ask? Apparently, after the success of The Devil Wears Prada, Hollywood have decided to greenlight Sex and the City: The Movie. And God wept.
I have an extremely unhealthy hatred towards that vile, disgusting, misleading piece of shit TV series. It is the ULTIMATE birds TV show. Meaning BAD. Worse than Ugly Betty? Sure. Worse than Big Brother? Absolutely. Worse than a severe dose of cock- rot? You bet your ass it is. It’s stupefyingly awful. I sometimes have to watch it if the missus decides to torture me due to the fact that I still haven’t finished painting the fucking kitchen after three months. “Oh God, Oh sweet Jesus. Look love, I’ve got the brush in my hand, just please, for the love of all that’s holy, turn that fucking shit off. MUMMY!”
Women love that fucking show and it’s their fault that the end of the world is nigh. Thanks for that ladies. I mean, does anyone actually believe that the despicable excuses for women that are portrayed in the show reflect real life in anyway whatsoever? If you do, then you will get a very big shock once you eventually find someone that is willing to fuck you and then you’ll realise that sex is basically a quick nosh, a finger or two and five or six pumps( if you’re lucky) then snoozing commences. It is NOT hanging from a chandelier with a champagne bottle up your arse whilst being eaten out by a bronzed, six-packed adonis for an hour before being rogered in more positions than the Karma Sutra for six hours until you explode in a tsunami of jizz and Dom Perignon. Sorry to piss on your parade ladies.
All the women on that show are complete and utter slags. Terrible role models for women they are. Maybe it’s just me but I think most blokes prefer PROPER slags not upper class, whinging, well-to-do PRETEND slags that have an uptown apartment and a really good job. Utter wank and frankly it gives poor, balding, slightly fat men like myself a rough time trying to give their other halves the SEX AND THE CITY LIFESTYLE. Two minutes of sex (including foreplay) and a Pot noodle is all I can muster at the moment. Oh, and maybe a can of Special Brew. If I’ve got enough.
I am ranting a little, just for a change, but I would like to mention a few points why I not only think Sex and the City is a detestable TV show but it will make for an APOCALYPTIC movie experience.
I have skimmed the fucking surface here folks. A film based on that horrible show will have about as much to say about relationships and city living as Tron did about the plight of the native American Indians. It’s going to be bad beyond words I can’t possibly comprehend.
I have it on very good authority that the films plot is as follows:
Samantha and Carrie go on a frantic quest to find a man who has the funkiest spunk.
Hardly Lord of the Rings is it?
It starts shooting this Autumn so there is still plenty of time to get prepared for the rising of the beast. The planet was nice while it lasted.
I have an extremely unhealthy hatred towards that vile, disgusting, misleading piece of shit TV series. It is the ULTIMATE birds TV show. Meaning BAD. Worse than Ugly Betty? Sure. Worse than Big Brother? Absolutely. Worse than a severe dose of cock- rot? You bet your ass it is. It’s stupefyingly awful. I sometimes have to watch it if the missus decides to torture me due to the fact that I still haven’t finished painting the fucking kitchen after three months. “Oh God, Oh sweet Jesus. Look love, I’ve got the brush in my hand, just please, for the love of all that’s holy, turn that fucking shit off. MUMMY!”
Women love that fucking show and it’s their fault that the end of the world is nigh. Thanks for that ladies. I mean, does anyone actually believe that the despicable excuses for women that are portrayed in the show reflect real life in anyway whatsoever? If you do, then you will get a very big shock once you eventually find someone that is willing to fuck you and then you’ll realise that sex is basically a quick nosh, a finger or two and five or six pumps( if you’re lucky) then snoozing commences. It is NOT hanging from a chandelier with a champagne bottle up your arse whilst being eaten out by a bronzed, six-packed adonis for an hour before being rogered in more positions than the Karma Sutra for six hours until you explode in a tsunami of jizz and Dom Perignon. Sorry to piss on your parade ladies.
All the women on that show are complete and utter slags. Terrible role models for women they are. Maybe it’s just me but I think most blokes prefer PROPER slags not upper class, whinging, well-to-do PRETEND slags that have an uptown apartment and a really good job. Utter wank and frankly it gives poor, balding, slightly fat men like myself a rough time trying to give their other halves the SEX AND THE CITY LIFESTYLE. Two minutes of sex (including foreplay) and a Pot noodle is all I can muster at the moment. Oh, and maybe a can of Special Brew. If I’ve got enough.
I am ranting a little, just for a change, but I would like to mention a few points why I not only think Sex and the City is a detestable TV show but it will make for an APOCALYPTIC movie experience.
- Sarah Jessica Parker is not just one of the ugliest women in show business but one of the ugliest people on the planet. She’s only getting off lightly here because she married Ferris Bueller.
- Kim Cattrall is WAY past her prime and rather annoying to boot. She ucks her tits out in every other episode but did she get her baps out during her film career? Not to my fucking knowledge she didn’t. If she had gone full frontal in Mannequin and diddled herself she MAY have had the privilege of being a member of Crabman’s Wacky Wank Bank, but at the moment, no bastard chance. Skank.
- Every episode I've had the displeasure to see had no discernible plot or story other than the women trying to find as much cock as possible whilst shopping. A lot. And moaning. A lot. “Oh Carrie, I’m minted with a great job and a fantastic apartment but my clit’s too small. Boo Hoo!”
- The theme tune makes me want to stick a power drill in my ear. And through to my brain.
- The writers of the show are living on the Planet Cunt.
I have skimmed the fucking surface here folks. A film based on that horrible show will have about as much to say about relationships and city living as Tron did about the plight of the native American Indians. It’s going to be bad beyond words I can’t possibly comprehend.
I have it on very good authority that the films plot is as follows:
Samantha and Carrie go on a frantic quest to find a man who has the funkiest spunk.
Hardly Lord of the Rings is it?
It starts shooting this Autumn so there is still plenty of time to get prepared for the rising of the beast. The planet was nice while it lasted.
Labels: Armageddon, Not Gay, Shit
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