Why Is Robin Williams Such A Massive Cunt?
It’s the eternal question isn’t it? A riddle that only the truly righteous have sought to answer but I think I've cracked the fucker. He hasn’t always been such a cunt though and just to prove that, here is a very short list of things that Robin Williams has done right throughout his career.
Now that I've got all the pointless fucking pleasantries out of the way let’s get down to the real nitty gritty and find out, together, why Robin Williams is such a massive cunt.
1. Dead Poets Society
Fuck me. What a gigantic pile of steaming cat shit that film is. I mean, who the fuck wants to watch a film about a classroom full of shit-stabbers that get into poetry on the say-so of a boring, snobby, unrealistic and quite frankly cunty teacher played by Williams. It’s one of the dullest films I have ever seen. Apparently, the kids sneak off during the night and sit in a cave and read poetry to each other by candlelight. Not gay then. Fucking stupid. When I was that age at school we used to sneak out at night yes, but to watch hardcore porn, drink Budweiser and wank ourselves silly. Manly. So please, fuck off with that bollocks. One of the main characters hangs himself towards the end of the film obviously due to the fact that he just found out that he had at least another 25 classes with that twat of a teacher.
“Oh captain, my Captain”
FUCK OFF!
2. Mrs Doubtfire
I know loads of people that like this film but I also hate those people with a passion normally only reserved for paedophiles and students. As you all know, Williams splits up from his wife and loses custody of his kids (who need a good fucking kicking if you ask me) and decides that only way he can see said kids on a regular basis is to drag up as a shit-scary, fat Scottish old granny and baby sit the little shits. Yeah, that’s exactly what I would have done too. Fuck going through my solicitor and negotiating while talking to my ex-wife about the best interest of the children. I wouldn’t even dress up as Batman or Spider-Man to get my point across. No, I would act like a borderline psychopath and scare ten bells of shit out of the very kids I want to be near to. Also, it’s really handy that I have a fudge-packer for a brother that just so happens to be able to create Mission:Impossible grade face prosthetics. There’s no way in hell that the judge would section me for evaluation and deem me totally unfit to be around children let alone my own children. Way to go mate. Fucking weirdo.
3. He was in Take That
Robin’s cuntery reached truly apocalyptic levels when he joined this shit boy band during the early nineties. What was he fucking thinking? I know he had just been in Mrs Doubtfire but was it really necessary to sing lead vocals on Could it be magic? Take That was another boat that left me on the fucking island. A complete bunch of wankers if ever I saw one but Williams was the true cunt of the group. Always trying to the funny, cheeky one and always cracking “jokes”, he made me want to stick hot needles in my bell-end whenever his stupid fucking face came on my TV. Why did he ever think he could sing in a boy band as well as acting in saccharine drenched cunt-fests? Cunt. At least Robin left the band, went solo and has since become a bit of a joke since releasing his last couple of albums. Take That have reformed without him and are now HUGE again. Ha ha ha ha! Take That indeed Robin you MASSIVE, MASSIVE COCK-END!
4. Hook
One of Spielbergs few follies and a film that should be locked in a hermetically sealed vault and shot into the nether regions of the galaxy never to return. It’s eye-gougeingly awful if only for Williams’ take on a classic children's character. Were we really to believe that this middle-aged, hairy, fat arsehole was Peter Pan? If so, I apologise for not getting it. But in reality, who did get it? Cunts probably. It took me fucking ages to be able to trust Spielberg again but Williams’ cuntery just kept going and going. Where will it end? Who will stop him?
5. Jakob The Liar
Jesus H Christ. This one takes the fucking biscuit. Robin just can’t seem to stop making films about hope, courage and Scottish grannies can he? This particular abomination features Williams as a Jewish shop keeper who tells all the other cunts in the ghetto that he has a secret radio that gives him information about Russia’s movements during World War 2 thus giving HOPE to the Jews and inspiring them with COURAGE. Actually, all he does is lie his fucking arse off and give the Jews FALSE HOPE and INCONSEQUENTIAL COURAGE. What a total fucking areshole. We all know people that are bullshitters but telling your doomed Jewish mates that Auschwitz is actually a swanky new nightclub is a bit much really.
6. Rudebox
The musical equivalent of tertiary syphilis.
7. Patch Fucking Adams
The worst of the worst. The lowest ebb in Robin Williams’ career. A film so stupefyingly, sickeningly shit that it should come with a government health warning for people who have an aversion to the following:
Anyone who finds this film touching, funny, inspiring or uplifting is a total fuck-spanner who deserves to be locked in the same hermetically sealed vault as HOOK and shot into the sun. Wankers!.
8. What Dreams May Come
You seen this? No? Lucky fucking you. I feel no need to mention too much about this film as I believe that ImDB's plot summary will tell you eveything you need to know.
Chris Neilson dies to find himself in a heaven more amazing than he could have ever dreamed of. There is one thing missing: his wife. After he dies, his wife, Annie killed herself and went to hell. Chris decides to risk eternity in hades for the small chance that he will be able to bring her back to heaven
If that plot summary wasn't enough to give you the bubblies, what if I mention that Cuba Gooding Jnr plays an angel in it. Stay. Well. Away.
9. Bicentennial Man
This is a very silly film indeed. Williams plays a robot that was bought by a family to do menial tasks around the house but, after a while, the robot starts to have emotions and wants to become human. Fucking shit. The robot even looks like Williams which, if I'm honest, is more than a little creepy. And anyway, who the fuck would want a robotic Robin Williams moping round the house moaning all day about how shit it is to be a robot. Obviously, he hasn't seen TRANSFORMERS. If I bought Robo-Williams and it started acting a cunt, I would take it straight up to Cash Converters, sell the bastard, then buy something that might actually be of some use.
So, there you have it. Conclusive proof that Robin Williams is a massive cunt. Agree? Disagree? I couldn't give a shit. But, next time you laugh at PATCH ADAMS, listen to RUDEBOX or watch FLUBBER, please do us all a favour and take a massive overdose and slip quietly into a DEATH COMA.
- His early stand up was the fucking nuts.
- Mork and Mindy
- He hates Gary Barlow
- Insomnia
- Good Morning Vietnam
- Death To Smoochie
- That duet he did with Kylie Minogue was alright I suppose
- The Bird Cage
- One Hour Photo
- The Fisher King
Now that I've got all the pointless fucking pleasantries out of the way let’s get down to the real nitty gritty and find out, together, why Robin Williams is such a massive cunt.
1. Dead Poets Society
Fuck me. What a gigantic pile of steaming cat shit that film is. I mean, who the fuck wants to watch a film about a classroom full of shit-stabbers that get into poetry on the say-so of a boring, snobby, unrealistic and quite frankly cunty teacher played by Williams. It’s one of the dullest films I have ever seen. Apparently, the kids sneak off during the night and sit in a cave and read poetry to each other by candlelight. Not gay then. Fucking stupid. When I was that age at school we used to sneak out at night yes, but to watch hardcore porn, drink Budweiser and wank ourselves silly. Manly. So please, fuck off with that bollocks. One of the main characters hangs himself towards the end of the film obviously due to the fact that he just found out that he had at least another 25 classes with that twat of a teacher.
FUCK OFF!
2. Mrs Doubtfire
I know loads of people that like this film but I also hate those people with a passion normally only reserved for paedophiles and students. As you all know, Williams splits up from his wife and loses custody of his kids (who need a good fucking kicking if you ask me) and decides that only way he can see said kids on a regular basis is to drag up as a shit-scary, fat Scottish old granny and baby sit the little shits. Yeah, that’s exactly what I would have done too. Fuck going through my solicitor and negotiating while talking to my ex-wife about the best interest of the children. I wouldn’t even dress up as Batman or Spider-Man to get my point across. No, I would act like a borderline psychopath and scare ten bells of shit out of the very kids I want to be near to. Also, it’s really handy that I have a fudge-packer for a brother that just so happens to be able to create Mission:Impossible grade face prosthetics. There’s no way in hell that the judge would section me for evaluation and deem me totally unfit to be around children let alone my own children. Way to go mate. Fucking weirdo.
3. He was in Take That
Robin’s cuntery reached truly apocalyptic levels when he joined this shit boy band during the early nineties. What was he fucking thinking? I know he had just been in Mrs Doubtfire but was it really necessary to sing lead vocals on Could it be magic? Take That was another boat that left me on the fucking island. A complete bunch of wankers if ever I saw one but Williams was the true cunt of the group. Always trying to the funny, cheeky one and always cracking “jokes”, he made me want to stick hot needles in my bell-end whenever his stupid fucking face came on my TV. Why did he ever think he could sing in a boy band as well as acting in saccharine drenched cunt-fests? Cunt. At least Robin left the band, went solo and has since become a bit of a joke since releasing his last couple of albums. Take That have reformed without him and are now HUGE again. Ha ha ha ha! Take That indeed Robin you MASSIVE, MASSIVE COCK-END!
4. Hook
One of Spielbergs few follies and a film that should be locked in a hermetically sealed vault and shot into the nether regions of the galaxy never to return. It’s eye-gougeingly awful if only for Williams’ take on a classic children's character. Were we really to believe that this middle-aged, hairy, fat arsehole was Peter Pan? If so, I apologise for not getting it. But in reality, who did get it? Cunts probably. It took me fucking ages to be able to trust Spielberg again but Williams’ cuntery just kept going and going. Where will it end? Who will stop him?
5. Jakob The Liar
Jesus H Christ. This one takes the fucking biscuit. Robin just can’t seem to stop making films about hope, courage and Scottish grannies can he? This particular abomination features Williams as a Jewish shop keeper who tells all the other cunts in the ghetto that he has a secret radio that gives him information about Russia’s movements during World War 2 thus giving HOPE to the Jews and inspiring them with COURAGE. Actually, all he does is lie his fucking arse off and give the Jews FALSE HOPE and INCONSEQUENTIAL COURAGE. What a total fucking areshole. We all know people that are bullshitters but telling your doomed Jewish mates that Auschwitz is actually a swanky new nightclub is a bit much really.
6. Rudebox
The musical equivalent of tertiary syphilis.
7. Patch Fucking Adams
The worst of the worst. The lowest ebb in Robin Williams’ career. A film so stupefyingly, sickeningly shit that it should come with a government health warning for people who have an aversion to the following:
- People who think they can change the world by putting on a red nose.
- Terminally ill children who find red noses funny.
- Anyone who finds red noses funny.
- Anyone who believes that laughter will make their AIDS disappear.
- Doctors that still manage to have a sense of humour despite the fact that they have just worked a 63 hour shift while pronouncing 117 children dead.
- Films that offer HOPE and COURAGE.
- Films about overcoming adversity.
- Films with Robin Williams in them.
- Puking their guts up every 20 seconds.
Anyone who finds this film touching, funny, inspiring or uplifting is a total fuck-spanner who deserves to be locked in the same hermetically sealed vault as HOOK and shot into the sun. Wankers!.
8. What Dreams May Come
You seen this? No? Lucky fucking you. I feel no need to mention too much about this film as I believe that ImDB's plot summary will tell you eveything you need to know.
Chris Neilson dies to find himself in a heaven more amazing than he could have ever dreamed of. There is one thing missing: his wife. After he dies, his wife, Annie killed herself and went to hell. Chris decides to risk eternity in hades for the small chance that he will be able to bring her back to heaven
If that plot summary wasn't enough to give you the bubblies, what if I mention that Cuba Gooding Jnr plays an angel in it. Stay. Well. Away.
9. Bicentennial Man
This is a very silly film indeed. Williams plays a robot that was bought by a family to do menial tasks around the house but, after a while, the robot starts to have emotions and wants to become human. Fucking shit. The robot even looks like Williams which, if I'm honest, is more than a little creepy. And anyway, who the fuck would want a robotic Robin Williams moping round the house moaning all day about how shit it is to be a robot. Obviously, he hasn't seen TRANSFORMERS. If I bought Robo-Williams and it started acting a cunt, I would take it straight up to Cash Converters, sell the bastard, then buy something that might actually be of some use.
So, there you have it. Conclusive proof that Robin Williams is a massive cunt. Agree? Disagree? I couldn't give a shit. But, next time you laugh at PATCH ADAMS, listen to RUDEBOX or watch FLUBBER, please do us all a favour and take a massive overdose and slip quietly into a DEATH COMA.
Labels: Cunt, Robin Williams
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