Two Angry Men Meet Brett Ratner
Well, a big thank you to all of our readers who gave so generously to the Two Angry Men Charity Foundation enabling DasGeordie and myself to succeed in winning ‘Dinner with Brett Ratner’ on Ebay. With a bit of last minute re-mortgaging and mugging we managed to raise the $15,800 needed to meet the cunt that made the RUSH HOUR TRILOGY.
We arrived in Los Angeles at 5.45pm yesterday and took a taxi straight from LAX to the restaurant where we would be meeting the man himself. I have to just quickly say that security is a bit wanting at American airports these days. We managed to get through with a machete, an M16, a tazer gun, a flame thrower and an array of rusty dildos without so much as a glance from the authorities. Stupid cunts. Anyway, we arrived at KFC at 7pm and there he was. Brett Ratner. I’ll start off by saying that he’s a right short arse. And fat. And he’s a total cunt. He did however make one fatal mistake in meeting us two. He had no security with him. Ha! We sat down and DasGeordie secretly turned on the dictaphone in his pocket. Here’s how it went down.
Brett Ratner: Hi guys. So, you wanted to meet the genius who made RUSH HOUR 1,2 and 3 as well as X-MEN 3 eh? You must think I’m the schizzle to pay such a large amount of money just to sit with me for a couple of hours.
Me: Yeah, something like that mate.
DasGeordie: We wouldn’t have missed this for the world Brett.
BR: So, what do you guys wanna ask me about?
Me: Erm, here’s a question for ya mate. How the fuckity cunt did you manage to fuck up X-MEN 3? You literally fucked the franchise up the shitter. You some sort of cunt or something?
DasGeordie: And FAMILY MAN was fucking shit as well.
Me: And AFTER THE SUNSET.
BR: Hey guys, what’s with all the hostility?
Me: Up yours fatso. Making one RUSH HOUR film is cunty enough. But 3! Despicable cunt. (Getting out my tazer gun and blasting Ratner in the chest) TAKE THAT YOU FUCKING TWAT-CLANGER!
BR: AAARRRGGGGGHHH!!!
DasGeordie: Hahahahahahah! Fucking mint! Oi Crabman, grab his legs and I’ll kick the cunt in the head several times.
Me: No fucking worries mate. (grabbing Ratners legs and pulling him to the ground)
SMACK! BOING! CRACK! BANG! WALLOP! CRASH!
BR: Uhhhhhh...........hel.................p...............crazy.................people.
Me: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SLAG! (getting my machete out and chopping Ratners fat fucking arm off)
CHOP!!!
BR: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!
DasGeordie: Crabman, throw us the flame thrower and I’ll scorch his fucking balls.
Me: DO IT!
BR: No........please.........I....beg........Rush......Hour......was.......
DasGeordie: EAT THIS!
WHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!
BR: AARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!!! FUUUUUUUUCK!
(sounds of DasGeordie and myself continually kicking the shit out of Ratner. For an hour)
Me: You had enough Brett? Got the fucking message? You make one more film and we’ll come back and finish the job. Know what I mean? Fat cunt! Come on DasGeordie, we’ve got a plane to catch.
(DasGeordie gives fat boy one last kick to the temple and we leave the sobbing prick in a puddle of his own shit, piss and blood)
Not such a big shot now is he. I have to say that was the best $15,800 we have ever spent so a big thank you to all who donated so generously. You made the world a better place.
Ratner earlier today
We arrived in Los Angeles at 5.45pm yesterday and took a taxi straight from LAX to the restaurant where we would be meeting the man himself. I have to just quickly say that security is a bit wanting at American airports these days. We managed to get through with a machete, an M16, a tazer gun, a flame thrower and an array of rusty dildos without so much as a glance from the authorities. Stupid cunts. Anyway, we arrived at KFC at 7pm and there he was. Brett Ratner. I’ll start off by saying that he’s a right short arse. And fat. And he’s a total cunt. He did however make one fatal mistake in meeting us two. He had no security with him. Ha! We sat down and DasGeordie secretly turned on the dictaphone in his pocket. Here’s how it went down.
Brett Ratner: Hi guys. So, you wanted to meet the genius who made RUSH HOUR 1,2 and 3 as well as X-MEN 3 eh? You must think I’m the schizzle to pay such a large amount of money just to sit with me for a couple of hours.
Me: Yeah, something like that mate.
DasGeordie: We wouldn’t have missed this for the world Brett.
BR: So, what do you guys wanna ask me about?
Me: Erm, here’s a question for ya mate. How the fuckity cunt did you manage to fuck up X-MEN 3? You literally fucked the franchise up the shitter. You some sort of cunt or something?
DasGeordie: And FAMILY MAN was fucking shit as well.
Me: And AFTER THE SUNSET.
BR: Hey guys, what’s with all the hostility?
Me: Up yours fatso. Making one RUSH HOUR film is cunty enough. But 3! Despicable cunt. (Getting out my tazer gun and blasting Ratner in the chest) TAKE THAT YOU FUCKING TWAT-CLANGER!
BR: AAARRRGGGGGHHH!!!
DasGeordie: Hahahahahahah! Fucking mint! Oi Crabman, grab his legs and I’ll kick the cunt in the head several times.
Me: No fucking worries mate. (grabbing Ratners legs and pulling him to the ground)
SMACK! BOING! CRACK! BANG! WALLOP! CRASH!
BR: Uhhhhhh...........hel.................p...............crazy.................people.
Me: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SLAG! (getting my machete out and chopping Ratners fat fucking arm off)
CHOP!!!
BR: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!
DasGeordie: Crabman, throw us the flame thrower and I’ll scorch his fucking balls.
Me: DO IT!
BR: No........please.........I....beg........Rush......Hour......was.......
DasGeordie: EAT THIS!
WHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!
BR: AARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!!! FUUUUUUUUCK!
(sounds of DasGeordie and myself continually kicking the shit out of Ratner. For an hour)
Me: You had enough Brett? Got the fucking message? You make one more film and we’ll come back and finish the job. Know what I mean? Fat cunt! Come on DasGeordie, we’ve got a plane to catch.
(DasGeordie gives fat boy one last kick to the temple and we leave the sobbing prick in a puddle of his own shit, piss and blood)
Not such a big shot now is he. I have to say that was the best $15,800 we have ever spent so a big thank you to all who donated so generously. You made the world a better place.
Labels: angry, Brett Ratner, Cunt
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