Why Is John Travolta Such A Massive Cunt?
Hmmm. You ever pondered this? I have. It’s taken me a while but I think I have unravelled the mystery that so many before me have tried in vain to but to no avail. But, before I unleash Travolta’s spackery upon you, I shall get the boring fucking pleasantries out of the way and tell you the things that he’s done in the past which I admired.
Face/Off. The only decent Western John Woo film. Fact.
Saturday Night Fever. Don’t be fooled. It’s a mint film.
Grease. Don’t be fooled. I’m not a fudge-packer.
Get Shorty. Be Cool was fucking gash.
Carrie.
Pulp Fiction. Although let me reiterate that I now hate Quentin Tarantino just as much now as well.
There you go. I’m not a total cunt am I. Unlike John Travolta. Now, let us all together delve into the mass-cuntery of Captain John Travolta. Over.
1. Scientology
I shouldn’t really have to say too much about this really seeing that any human being with even an ounce of intelligence would agree that Scientology is, without a doubt, the stupidest fucking religion ever created in the entire fucking universe. Stupider than Christianity? Yep. Stupider than Buddhism? Fuckin’ A! Stupider than Islam? Er, no actually. Allah is a pretty decent guy just in case there are any fundamentalist mentalists reading. Which I highly fucking doubt, but if there are. Go Allah! I digress. Travolta, along with all the other slightly deranged, dead-eyed Hollywood oddballs believe that human beings are in fact just vessels with which to carry the spirits of aliens (from outer space no less) called Thetans. Riiiiight. I honestly believe that all Scientologists should be sectioned for even contemplating this to be true. I mean, if I was a highly advanced being from across the cosmos looking for a suitable host in which to carry my everlasting spirit, I certainly wouldn’t choose an irritating, overacting, has-been fat fuck of a serial wanker like Travolta. Know what I mean? JT and his fellow chunder-cunts also believe that psychology and anti-depressants are evil. Well, maybe he should have thought about that before he went and made..........
2. Battlefield Earth
3. He's a pilot.
Before you say anything, I don’t think pilots are cunts. Far from it. I entrust them with my life whenever they fly me somewhere. Cheers fellas. Also, being a pilot is a cool-assed job. When I was 14 I really wanted to become a fighter pilot much to my dad’s delight. Why? TOP GUN. Am I fighter pilot now? Am I fuck. Anyway, like I said, pilots are cool, John Travolta is a cunt. He’s such a fucking show-off that the twat-clanger even bought himself a Boeing 707-138. Prick. What the fuck does he need that for? He must have the worlds smallest cock. He even dresses up in the old pilots uniform whenever he flies the cunt. Who the fuck does he think he is? Maverick? Iceman? Cougar? Cuntbucket more like. Over.
4 Hairspray
Jesus fucking Christ. This picture should say more than words ever could. I’ve been having paralysis-inducing night terrors for weeks now and I’ve only seen the fucking trailer. Is there really any need for this? John Travolta in a fat suit? Yeah, like the bulbous cunt really needs one. Porky prick! Look at his big fuck-off hands. I seriously doubt even DasGeordie would fuck that. We are talking a bonfide 16 pinter here. Over.
5. Look Who’s Talking
Look who’s a serious cunt. Over.
6. He is about to play J.R in the big screen version of DALLAS
What a fantastic fucking idea. Fucking genius. It’s going to be helmed by the directing powerhouse that is.........Gurinder Chadha! She was the stunning talent behind such classics as BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM , BRIDE AND PREJUDICE and, erm, BHAJI ON THE BEACH. How can this Travolta/Chadha team-up possibly fail? Easy. It’s going to be FUCKING WANK! Who in their right mind greenlit this project? Probably the same retarded shit-spanner that greenlit THE DUKES OF HAZZARD. I used to love Dallas when I was a kid. It was ace. I seem to remember one of my very first wanks being over Victoria Principle. Not literally. Then there was the famous "Who Shot J.R?" storyline that had the whole world on the edge of their seats. All I ask is, if they really must insist on making a DALLAS movie, then please have the courtesy to shoot the cunt that plays J.R. For real. With a shotgun. Or maybe an uzi. THAT I would pay to see. Over.
7. Wild Hogs
I have made my thoughts on this film quite clear in the past but I must second that emotion. WILD HOGS is the type of film that only soon-to-be-on-their-arse cock-crunchers like Travolta will appear in. Tim fucking Allen is in it as well for fucks sake. And Martin cunting Lawrence. William H Macy gets off lightly here because I think he's the poodles doodles. Duller than whale shit mid-life crisis twaddle that literally makes me want to commit suicide just in case I decide to buy a Harley Davidson and wear a stupid fucking bandana. Get over it cock-knockers! The fact that WILD HOGS made a shit-load of cash in America means quite literally fuck all to me. No, that film was the beginning of the end for Captain Tub-O-Shit and DALLAS will only help in his eventual fall from grace. I reckon that in a year or two, JT's film career will be well and truly, well......over.
There you have it folks. John Travolta used to be cool but unfortunately he has since become the sort of preaching, tiresome, fat fucking arsehole that has, quite frankly, now made it impossible for me to watch PULP FICTION ever again without wanting to Fed Ex the entire Church of Scientology a massive, MASSIVE BOX OF AIDS RIDDLED CAT SHIT.
What a fucking cunt.
Face/Off. The only decent Western John Woo film. Fact.
Saturday Night Fever. Don’t be fooled. It’s a mint film.
Grease. Don’t be fooled. I’m not a fudge-packer.
Get Shorty. Be Cool was fucking gash.
Carrie.
Pulp Fiction. Although let me reiterate that I now hate Quentin Tarantino just as much now as well.
There you go. I’m not a total cunt am I. Unlike John Travolta. Now, let us all together delve into the mass-cuntery of Captain John Travolta. Over.
1. Scientology
I shouldn’t really have to say too much about this really seeing that any human being with even an ounce of intelligence would agree that Scientology is, without a doubt, the stupidest fucking religion ever created in the entire fucking universe. Stupider than Christianity? Yep. Stupider than Buddhism? Fuckin’ A! Stupider than Islam? Er, no actually. Allah is a pretty decent guy just in case there are any fundamentalist mentalists reading. Which I highly fucking doubt, but if there are. Go Allah! I digress. Travolta, along with all the other slightly deranged, dead-eyed Hollywood oddballs believe that human beings are in fact just vessels with which to carry the spirits of aliens (from outer space no less) called Thetans. Riiiiight. I honestly believe that all Scientologists should be sectioned for even contemplating this to be true. I mean, if I was a highly advanced being from across the cosmos looking for a suitable host in which to carry my everlasting spirit, I certainly wouldn’t choose an irritating, overacting, has-been fat fuck of a serial wanker like Travolta. Know what I mean? JT and his fellow chunder-cunts also believe that psychology and anti-depressants are evil. Well, maybe he should have thought about that before he went and made..........
2. Battlefield Earth
3. He's a pilot.
Before you say anything, I don’t think pilots are cunts. Far from it. I entrust them with my life whenever they fly me somewhere. Cheers fellas. Also, being a pilot is a cool-assed job. When I was 14 I really wanted to become a fighter pilot much to my dad’s delight. Why? TOP GUN. Am I fighter pilot now? Am I fuck. Anyway, like I said, pilots are cool, John Travolta is a cunt. He’s such a fucking show-off that the twat-clanger even bought himself a Boeing 707-138. Prick. What the fuck does he need that for? He must have the worlds smallest cock. He even dresses up in the old pilots uniform whenever he flies the cunt. Who the fuck does he think he is? Maverick? Iceman? Cougar? Cuntbucket more like. Over.
4 Hairspray
Jesus fucking Christ. This picture should say more than words ever could. I’ve been having paralysis-inducing night terrors for weeks now and I’ve only seen the fucking trailer. Is there really any need for this? John Travolta in a fat suit? Yeah, like the bulbous cunt really needs one. Porky prick! Look at his big fuck-off hands. I seriously doubt even DasGeordie would fuck that. We are talking a bonfide 16 pinter here. Over.
5. Look Who’s Talking
Look who’s a serious cunt. Over.
6. He is about to play J.R in the big screen version of DALLAS
What a fantastic fucking idea. Fucking genius. It’s going to be helmed by the directing powerhouse that is.........Gurinder Chadha! She was the stunning talent behind such classics as BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM , BRIDE AND PREJUDICE and, erm, BHAJI ON THE BEACH. How can this Travolta/Chadha team-up possibly fail? Easy. It’s going to be FUCKING WANK! Who in their right mind greenlit this project? Probably the same retarded shit-spanner that greenlit THE DUKES OF HAZZARD. I used to love Dallas when I was a kid. It was ace. I seem to remember one of my very first wanks being over Victoria Principle. Not literally. Then there was the famous "Who Shot J.R?" storyline that had the whole world on the edge of their seats. All I ask is, if they really must insist on making a DALLAS movie, then please have the courtesy to shoot the cunt that plays J.R. For real. With a shotgun. Or maybe an uzi. THAT I would pay to see. Over.
7. Wild Hogs
I have made my thoughts on this film quite clear in the past but I must second that emotion. WILD HOGS is the type of film that only soon-to-be-on-their-arse cock-crunchers like Travolta will appear in. Tim fucking Allen is in it as well for fucks sake. And Martin cunting Lawrence. William H Macy gets off lightly here because I think he's the poodles doodles. Duller than whale shit mid-life crisis twaddle that literally makes me want to commit suicide just in case I decide to buy a Harley Davidson and wear a stupid fucking bandana. Get over it cock-knockers! The fact that WILD HOGS made a shit-load of cash in America means quite literally fuck all to me. No, that film was the beginning of the end for Captain Tub-O-Shit and DALLAS will only help in his eventual fall from grace. I reckon that in a year or two, JT's film career will be well and truly, well......over.
There you have it folks. John Travolta used to be cool but unfortunately he has since become the sort of preaching, tiresome, fat fucking arsehole that has, quite frankly, now made it impossible for me to watch PULP FICTION ever again without wanting to Fed Ex the entire Church of Scientology a massive, MASSIVE BOX OF AIDS RIDDLED CAT SHIT.
What a fucking cunt.
Labels: Cunt, John Travolta
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