Why Is Owen Wilson Such A Massive Cunt?
Wondered this recently? Well, I fucking have. In fact, that question keeps me up most nights and just so I can sleep tonight I’m going to cathartically list the reasons why I think Owen Wilson is such a massive cunt. Interested? Come on peeps, let’s out this fucker for the massive cunt that he is.
Shanghai Fucking Noon
I mean, really. What the fuck was all that about? I’d love to meet the studio executive that greenlit that piece of shit. What on earth made anybody think that what the moviegoing public really needed was a staggeringly unfunny comedy/western movie pairing Jackie Too Old For This shit Chan and our cunt Wilson. For starters, How the fuck did a Chinese martial artist end up looking for a kidnapped princess in the wild west? How fucking stupid is that? And, I’m sorry, but you could be Bruce fucking Lee for all I care but it only takes one bullet to the head and you're fucked. A bit like that fancy swordsman in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. Wank. And then we have Owen I Will Appear In Literally Any Old Wank If The Pay Is Right Wilson. Acting like a cunt. For a change. I was led to believe that SHANGHAI NOON was an action/comedy/western. It isn’t. It is a FUCKING/PILE/OF/SHIT. If that film wasn’t bad enough, the cunts went and made a sequel, SHANGHAI KNIGHTS, of which I have not seen because, frankly, life is just too fucking short. Anybody reading this who actually enjoyed either of those two films please feel free to do the following...
Attempt Suicide
Actually, don’t attempt it. Blow your fucking brains out, you morons. Which brings me nicely to Mr Wilson’s recent suicide bid. Now, before you start, I truly feel for anyone that decides that they can’t go on with life anymore whether that be due to severe depression, loss of a loved one or just that they’re completely fucking mental. However, I couldn’t give a flying rats cunt about a multi millionaire playboy Hollywood actor who decided that life was just too unfair and he couldn’t go on because... of a fucking bird. That’s right, Owen Wilson tried to take his life over Kate Bland-As-Fuck Hudson. I can’t for the life of me think why. She hasn’t even got any fucking tits for a start. “Oh boo hoo, Kate dumped me and I can’t cope anymore. Life is shit. Boo hoo hoo. And Steve Coogan's coming round in a bit. WAAAAHHHHHHHH! And....and, I get paid $20 million a *sniff* film and my mansion is *sniff* fucking enormous. I want to FUCKING DIE!” Funny that, Owen, I want you to fucking die as well and I’m pretty sure that Kate Hudson deffo won’t want you back now you SNIVELLING, UNGRATEFUL, TWAT CLANGER! Get a fucking grip.
His Nose Looks Like A Bellend
Look at it! It’s fucking hideous. Now, I’m well aware that the shape of one's nose does not necessarily make them a cunt but JUST LOOK AT IT! He’s fucking minted, why doesn’t he get that fucking abomination fixed. I also don’t understand why he’s such a heart-throb either. I’m pretty sure that if I had a nose that looked like a massive cock, all the money in the world wouldn’t get me laid so how the fuck does he manage it? “He’s’ reeeaaallly funny and charismatic" No. He. Isn’t. STUPID SUICIDAL COCK NOSE CUNT!
The Wedding Crashers
I should have made this a double post to include Vince Annoying Nasally Voiced Cunt Vaughn as well. Again, I was under the impression that THE WEDDING CRASHERS was a comedy. I counted two chuckles which is not indicative of a “comedy”. I laughed more times during LEAVING LAS VEGAS for fucks sake. It’s just another one of those shitty frat-pack films that was nothing more than an outlet for Owen and Vaughn to give each other reach-arounds onscreen “How fucking funny are we man?” Erm, about as funny as Hurricane Katrina, lads. They make me want to puke, the intolerably smug rim-jimmys.
He Has The Acting Range Of A Fucking Aubergine
Owen Wilson plays the same fucking character in every film. Owen Wilson. If there is ever a need for a slightly oddball, stoner wise-arse with a nose that looks like a cock you can be sure that he will get the part. He has become tedious to the extreme and I want him to STOP. I would like to see him stretch his acting abilities by taking the lead in something like SCHINDLERS LIST. Can you imagine? No, I can’t either.
“Woah dude! The Holocaust is, like, heavy man.”
Fucking dreadful. How many more scripts exist that call for annoyingly laid back arseholes like Wilson. Fucking shitloads probably which makes me want to attempt, nay, succeed at suicide. So, Owen, if you’re reading this please either:
a) Stop acting
b) Get a nose job or
c) Blow your fucking brains out.
Shanghai Fucking Noon
I mean, really. What the fuck was all that about? I’d love to meet the studio executive that greenlit that piece of shit. What on earth made anybody think that what the moviegoing public really needed was a staggeringly unfunny comedy/western movie pairing Jackie Too Old For This shit Chan and our cunt Wilson. For starters, How the fuck did a Chinese martial artist end up looking for a kidnapped princess in the wild west? How fucking stupid is that? And, I’m sorry, but you could be Bruce fucking Lee for all I care but it only takes one bullet to the head and you're fucked. A bit like that fancy swordsman in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. Wank. And then we have Owen I Will Appear In Literally Any Old Wank If The Pay Is Right Wilson. Acting like a cunt. For a change. I was led to believe that SHANGHAI NOON was an action/comedy/western. It isn’t. It is a FUCKING/PILE/OF/SHIT. If that film wasn’t bad enough, the cunts went and made a sequel, SHANGHAI KNIGHTS, of which I have not seen because, frankly, life is just too fucking short. Anybody reading this who actually enjoyed either of those two films please feel free to do the following...
Attempt Suicide
Actually, don’t attempt it. Blow your fucking brains out, you morons. Which brings me nicely to Mr Wilson’s recent suicide bid. Now, before you start, I truly feel for anyone that decides that they can’t go on with life anymore whether that be due to severe depression, loss of a loved one or just that they’re completely fucking mental. However, I couldn’t give a flying rats cunt about a multi millionaire playboy Hollywood actor who decided that life was just too unfair and he couldn’t go on because... of a fucking bird. That’s right, Owen Wilson tried to take his life over Kate Bland-As-Fuck Hudson. I can’t for the life of me think why. She hasn’t even got any fucking tits for a start. “Oh boo hoo, Kate dumped me and I can’t cope anymore. Life is shit. Boo hoo hoo. And Steve Coogan's coming round in a bit. WAAAAHHHHHHHH! And....and, I get paid $20 million a *sniff* film and my mansion is *sniff* fucking enormous. I want to FUCKING DIE!” Funny that, Owen, I want you to fucking die as well and I’m pretty sure that Kate Hudson deffo won’t want you back now you SNIVELLING, UNGRATEFUL, TWAT CLANGER! Get a fucking grip.
His Nose Looks Like A Bellend
Look at it! It’s fucking hideous. Now, I’m well aware that the shape of one's nose does not necessarily make them a cunt but JUST LOOK AT IT! He’s fucking minted, why doesn’t he get that fucking abomination fixed. I also don’t understand why he’s such a heart-throb either. I’m pretty sure that if I had a nose that looked like a massive cock, all the money in the world wouldn’t get me laid so how the fuck does he manage it? “He’s’ reeeaaallly funny and charismatic" No. He. Isn’t. STUPID SUICIDAL COCK NOSE CUNT!
The Wedding Crashers
I should have made this a double post to include Vince Annoying Nasally Voiced Cunt Vaughn as well. Again, I was under the impression that THE WEDDING CRASHERS was a comedy. I counted two chuckles which is not indicative of a “comedy”. I laughed more times during LEAVING LAS VEGAS for fucks sake. It’s just another one of those shitty frat-pack films that was nothing more than an outlet for Owen and Vaughn to give each other reach-arounds onscreen “How fucking funny are we man?” Erm, about as funny as Hurricane Katrina, lads. They make me want to puke, the intolerably smug rim-jimmys.
He Has The Acting Range Of A Fucking Aubergine
Owen Wilson plays the same fucking character in every film. Owen Wilson. If there is ever a need for a slightly oddball, stoner wise-arse with a nose that looks like a cock you can be sure that he will get the part. He has become tedious to the extreme and I want him to STOP. I would like to see him stretch his acting abilities by taking the lead in something like SCHINDLERS LIST. Can you imagine? No, I can’t either.
“Woah dude! The Holocaust is, like, heavy man.”
Fucking dreadful. How many more scripts exist that call for annoyingly laid back arseholes like Wilson. Fucking shitloads probably which makes me want to attempt, nay, succeed at suicide. So, Owen, if you’re reading this please either:
a) Stop acting
b) Get a nose job or
c) Blow your fucking brains out.
Labels: Cunt, Owen Wilson
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