Pointless Fucking Remakes #4: The Omen
After the success of The Exorcist in 1973, studios were falling over themselves to get on the beelzebub bandwagon. In 1976, 20th Century Fox called upon Richard Donner to direct ‘The Omen’ written by David Seltzer. The rest, of course, is history. The tale of Satan’s son, born of a jackal but brought up by an American ambassador and his wife was a massive success and won Jerry Goldsmith an academy award for his stonkingly creepy score. The film is now, deservedly so, deemed a classic.
I remember first seeing The Omen when I was about 12 years old and quite frankly it shit me right up. The nanny hanging herself at Damien’s birthday party, THAT decapitation, those fuck-scary rottweilers and Billy Whitelaw's cack-inducing nanny from hell (literally) all played out to music that was obviously designed to make shit fall out of your arse and into your pants. Great stuff. Richard Donner’s assured direction earned him his next gig, directing Superman:The Movie. OK, it’s not up there with The Exorcist in terms of quality but just for it's pure, pulpy nonsense it was fantastic . It certainly couldn’t be improved upon.
SO WHY FUCKING REMAKE IT?
Some twat at 20th Century Fox obviously had the great idea to remake it simply because the date 06.06.06 was looming as indeed that was when it was eventually released worldwide. Yes, the remake was designed around a stupid fucking marketing device that was so cynical it beggared belief. The studio would have us believe that the time was ripe for a remake, to bring the story to a new audience while updating it for a post 9/11 world. Bollocks. The “new” audience can, quite honestly, fuck off. Watch the original you fucking morons. “But, isn’t The Omen 30 years old? I bet it's well shit. Let’s go see American Pie 8: Flute up my Arse” Arghhhh.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg as to what’s wrong with this pointless fucking remake. Here’s a few example of it’s utter shitness.
But, worst of all, the remake follows the original almost word for word including all the infamous death scenes. Now, can somebody please explain to me the point of remaking an already great film then doing absolutely fuck all new with it except giving it slicker visuals and better sound because I am at a complete fucking loss here. It was almost as bad as Gus Van Sant’s stupendously pointless and near heretical shot-for-shot ‘Psycho’ remake of which I’m sure I will be posting something about in the near future.
I could go on and on about why I hated this remake but you can’t be arse to read anymore and I can’t be arsed to write anymore.
Up yours!
I remember first seeing The Omen when I was about 12 years old and quite frankly it shit me right up. The nanny hanging herself at Damien’s birthday party, THAT decapitation, those fuck-scary rottweilers and Billy Whitelaw's cack-inducing nanny from hell (literally) all played out to music that was obviously designed to make shit fall out of your arse and into your pants. Great stuff. Richard Donner’s assured direction earned him his next gig, directing Superman:The Movie. OK, it’s not up there with The Exorcist in terms of quality but just for it's pure, pulpy nonsense it was fantastic . It certainly couldn’t be improved upon.
Some twat at 20th Century Fox obviously had the great idea to remake it simply because the date 06.06.06 was looming as indeed that was when it was eventually released worldwide. Yes, the remake was designed around a stupid fucking marketing device that was so cynical it beggared belief. The studio would have us believe that the time was ripe for a remake, to bring the story to a new audience while updating it for a post 9/11 world. Bollocks. The “new” audience can, quite honestly, fuck off. Watch the original you fucking morons. “But, isn’t The Omen 30 years old? I bet it's well shit. Let’s go see American Pie 8: Flute up my Arse” Arghhhh.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg as to what’s wrong with this pointless fucking remake. Here’s a few example of it’s utter shitness.
- It was directed by John Moore who’s previous remake of Flight of the Phoenix was also complete shit.
- The character originally played by the beautiful and talented Lee Remick is now being played by...........Julia Stiles. Please, fuck right off with that shit. She’s rubbish.
- Liev Shreiber is about as convincing an American ambassador as I am a full-on porn swordsman and has about 0.002% of Gregory Peck’s charisma and screen presence.
- David Thewlis should know better.
- So should Pete Postlethwaite.
- The kid playing Damien has a constant “evil” look on his face therefore completely fucking up the whole “the kid doesn’t know he is the son of Satan” idea which made it so scary in the first place. Also, he's not creepy. In the fucking slightest. Nice casting there folks. Dickheads.
- It has pointless dream sequences in it.
- Mia Farrow is NOT Billie Whitelaw and never fucking will be.
- The score is generic and forgettable. If you really have to remake The Omen then at least keep Goldsmith’s score you clueless rim-jimmys.
- IT ISN’T REMOTELY SCARY OR UNSETTLING!
But, worst of all, the remake follows the original almost word for word including all the infamous death scenes. Now, can somebody please explain to me the point of remaking an already great film then doing absolutely fuck all new with it except giving it slicker visuals and better sound because I am at a complete fucking loss here. It was almost as bad as Gus Van Sant’s stupendously pointless and near heretical shot-for-shot ‘Psycho’ remake of which I’m sure I will be posting something about in the near future.
I could go on and on about why I hated this remake but you can’t be arse to read anymore and I can’t be arsed to write anymore.
Up yours!
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