Two Angry Men Fucking Horses

I would just like to say, YOU ARE ALL DEVIANTS. Seriously, every single one of you out there in Interwebland is a fucking wrong un and no mistake. You're sick in the head and need to be put down. I bet you are all reading this while being sucked off by a quadriplegic AIDS-ridden fourteen-year-old African boy, aren't you? Whilst raping a cat with a tazer. The only person in the entire history of interweb usage who has never ever looked at porn is my mum. I now know this for a fact.

To demonstrate my point, here is a list of EVERY search engine referral we have registered in the last 100 posts alone. If we weren't so tight as to pay for Sitemeter, I could show you DIRTY SEX PEOPLE the kind of filth we get on a daily basis.

• watch big cocks fuck the shit out of women rough
  
• two men fucking a women at the same time
  
• pic of big bellied men
  
• a women and two men fucking
  
• two men force girl to fuck
  
• two men fucking so young girl

I realise now that having the word "Two men" in our title was a mistake. It could only have been worse if we'd called ourselves "Two Angry Cunts" (And on a side-note, I've seen FAR more than two angry cunts in my time). I realise that all the swearing is possibly just encouraging you sick perverted weirdos. What I didn't realise was the sheer volume of people looking for cockney porn - "Two men farking each other" - or that we would be so popular in this scene. In fact, for all of those searches above, we're at least on the first page.



And so I am resigned to my fate. We are going to be read only be fucking interspazz wank jockeys who need a quick five minute relief over a picture of Owen Wilson with a cock nose. So, I reckon, why not capitalise on this market? Everybody knows porn runs the world. Why not get a bit of the tall porn dollar? And in order to boost our hits on as many search engines as possible, I will now make a list of key-words I think you ONE-HANDED MAN-MAYONNAISE MONKEYS will be looking for.

• two men fucking a horse
  
• a horse fucking two men whilst being sucked off by a cockney
  
• a cockney sucking off two horses while two men watch
  
• Owen Wilson sucking off a cockney horse
  
• Ski Sunday
  
• young cockney girls petting otters
  
• cockney otters rucking two young girls
  
• men riding horses with otters
  
• horses riding men
  
• two women munching horse jizz
  
• two otters sucking off cockneys
  
• scousers touching otters without consent
  
• a horse being rode by Owen Wilson
  
• John Hannah sucking off Owen Wilson for a tenner
  
• Owen Wilson forcing two scousers to suck off a cockney
  
• Owen Wilson forcing me to watch Wedding Crashers
  
• John Cleese choking on otter cum
  
• two men riding John Cleese into battle like that white horse out of lord of the rings
  
• two otters riding another otter, but in a dirty way, like
  
• two young girls taking it up the gary
  
• two young girls being done for fun up the bum
  
• two young girls doing normal things like playing with their hair and dress-up and that and not doing anything dirty
  
• a man just fucking a woman
  
• two men farkin a pony
  
• a pony farkin two men whilst John Cleese watches
  
• a fat man farkin another fat man
  
• a reeeeeally fat man sucking off Owen Wilson on the set of Wedding Crashers 2
  
• Wedding Crashers 2

And finally...

• sex fuck arse tits cum jizz spunk fanny clunge dick cock minge shag pussy labia.

Right, that should about cover it. We'll be on 20,000 hits this time tomorrow, I'm CERTAIN of it.

Why Can't I Grow The Fuck Up?

We are not all about getting angry at other people on this site. No, we can get angry with ourselves just as easily. Recently, DasGeordie proclaimed that he “knows shit” which if you read that post you would probably agree. I know he is absolutely disgusted with himself as I am of him but hey, nobody's perfect. However, it did inspire me to get angry with myself and got me to thinking.......WHY HAVEN’T I GROWN UP YET?

I’ve always been a bit of a nerd you see. When everyone else at school was listening to Wham!, Culture Club and The Beastie Boys, I would lock myself in my bedroom and listen to Jean Michel Jarre and Tangerine Dream whilst pretending to actually play the music on my shitty casio-one octave-keyboard. What a twat! Actually, I still fucking do that come to think about it.

I was always obsessed with movies when I was a kid and grew up on a diet of zombie and slasher films, early John Carpenter, Spielberg and Star Wars and if I got the chance I would go round my mates house to watch the latest Tracy Lords porno on Betamax whist sitting on the sofa with cushions over our stiffies and taking turns to "go to the toilet". My mates dad was divorced and he had what we called the ‘cupboard of cum’. This cupboard was just filled with stuck-together jazz mags and the aforementioned Betamax porno collection which made him the best dad in the world as far as I was concerned. Except he wasn’t really. He was a cunt.

I am now a 34 year old married man with a mortgage, an ever increasing bald patch and a beer belly that will not go away no matter how much Stella I drink. I don’t understand. I do one sit up an day (getting out of bed) and always run at least 1/2 a mile a day (to the off licence) and I still look like one of the fucking Mr Men.



I digress, but my point is that all the geeky shit that surrounded my life as a child still stays with me. Stronger than ever actually. Here’s just a quick example. Below is a list of some of the T-Shirts that I currently own.

• A Zombie Flesh Eaters T-Shirt (it’s fucking mint actually) which I wear on Tuesdays and to funerals.
  
  
• A Ghostbusters logo T-Shirt that is now really tight on me because I’m a fat cunt but I still wear it even though I look like a fucking Weeble in it.
  
  
• A Lucasfilm logo T-Shirt that used to be my favourite but I am now liking less and less due to the fact that it has the word ‘Lucas’ on it. It too is really tight.
  
  
• A Knight Rider T-Shirt that, ironically, was bought for me by my wife. I don’t wear this outside as the last thing I need is to get glassed in my local pub.

But worst of all? I have Superman pyjamas! Yep, I shit you not. Actually its more of a T-Shirt/shorts combo in blue that has the ‘S’ logo on the front. Again bought by my wife. I should be embarrassed and utterly ashamed of myself but I’m not. I’m fucking furious with myself. GROW THE FUCK UP YOU TWAT! I got genuinely excited the other day because I found a mint Dawn of the Dead and Weird Science T-Shirt on Play.com. For fucks sake!



I honestly can’t help it. I have Type O-Geek blood pumping through my veins and quite frankly it is pointless to resist. I’m cursed like DasGeordie and many others who have yet to feel the touch a woman's breast or indeed even talk to a fucking woman. I’m lucky in that my wife was pissed when I first met her and she agreed to marry me that night because I just knew that if she sobered up and spent more than four hours with me she would turn lesbian. Our first date was to the cinema. What did I take her to see? Blade 2. Very romantic. We had our first argument after leaving the cinema because she said it was shit so I got the hump and said she knew fuck all because she liked Harry Fucking Potter. Way to try and get a blowjob you fucking imbecile!

Last year I spent £120 on a toy lightsabre. Cunt. I nearly went on a killing spree after watching Spider-Man 3 due to its rubbishness. Cunt. I’m excited about the new Transformers film. Cunt. I’m going to watch Batman Begins again tonight for the 14th time even though it’s Saturday and I should be out mixing with the general populous. Cunt! I have Jaws 2 in my DVD collection. Cunt to the extreme! I liked Armageddon.......I think you get my point.

I doubt very much that any regular readers will find any of this particularly enlightening (except maybe the Superman pyjamas) but I thought it would might be cathartic to write this piece in the vain hope of embarrassing myself into maturity. I hasn’t worked unfortunately.

Once a geek. Always a geek.